Blog about emailing

An hour of feeling like myself, calm, confident, and on top of everything, followed by severe anxiety/depression/nervousnes which lasts anywhere from 5 minutes to the rest of the day. I tried Effexor, which made me want to kill myself one minute, then made everything ok the next. I constantly change my interests: One hour I know FOR SURE I want to go into Psychology, then the next hour the word psychology sounds stupid, and Marketing is the cool thing to do. If I say something another person might not like, I constantly go back and forth in my brain saying “it’s ok, what you said was fine”, followed by an extreme pondering of how it wasn’t fine, “I can’t believe I said that”. Some days I am completely interested in things, and other days I can’t believe I ever even considered what I had once thought. I just tried a DL-Phenylalnine supplement to increase dopamine levels, and within an hour I was emailing/applying/texting people about how badly I wanted to start my marketing career.
I can’t figure out whether or not my normal mood is “calmness” or “depression”. I haven’t been happy in so long. When I start to FEEL good, like today, I truly wonder if I’m being manic, or, just being myself.

I’m 20, Male, diagnosed with depression and anxiety when I was 17